Playful structure and challenge: opportunities to engage your child
Structure is one of the four dimensions of a healthy relationship described in Theraplay®. Providing structure within your relationship helps to offer safe organisation for your child — a place where they can learn that you are a safe and reliable leader who holds the boundaries, and who teaches that there are safe limits. Most parents do this naturally, although not always through play. Using age-appropriate challenge activities alongside structure can help your child to build their confidence.
Now that many of us are working at home while also parenting full-time, it can be tricky to keep up your enthusiasm and think of ideas to connect with your child. Children can seem more needy and difficult to satiate, seeking your attention much more of the time without your usual opportunities to unwind.
While there are multiple suggestions online of activities for your child to do to entertain themselves (check out my Facebook page for some links I have shared), connecting with your child preemptively can actually reduce their need to seek constant connection with you. Fill up their attachment 'bucket' before you have to divert your attention elsewhere.
These don't have to involve expense or very much time — 10–15 minutes together having fun can really make a big difference.
Children don't want stuff from you — they want your time. Your time is the best present you can offer.
— Joanna Fortune (2018)
A few suggestions
Word games together
Play I spy with my little eye, the alphabet game, or any back-and-forth you both enjoy. Wait until they catch your eye before giving your clue or taking your turn — that small moment of mutual attention is doing a lot of quiet work.
Set up a 3–5 part assault course
Make sure the challenges are age-appropriate for your child. Cheer your child on as they achieve each step. To increase the challenge add a timer or another child — and ensure that your child has a chance to win at least once if there's a competitor. Here are some ideas to get you started, or come up with your own:
- Hop / skip / jump / crawl from one point to the next — set out markers (toys, empty cartons, cushions)
- Balance something on their head, or on a spoon
- Long jump between lines — set this up with markers (toys, empty cartons)
- Blow a cotton ball along the floor with a straw
- Short hopscotch grid
- Follow a certain path — a curly chalk line on the ground, or a list of places in the room or garden (older children might remember a list — prompt as needed)
Funny face / dance-off challenge
Take turns making faces or dance moves to music. Copy each other and have fun. Set a limit — e.g. 5 or 6 turns each. If they still want more after that, say "OK, we will take 1 or 2 more turns each…" and stick to that. The limit-setting is part of the structure — and children often enjoy the predictable rhythm of knowing it's coming to an end.
A note on celebrating
Celebrate your child's success with cheers and touch — a big embrace, a twirl around in your arms, a gentle hug, a high five; whatever they prefer. Show them that you are thrilled with their efforts.
If your child wants more of the same, do a quick re-run if you can, or plan it for later on when you have time. Make sure to keep your word — if you say you'll do it later, do. This is how trust gets built, one kept promise at a time.
Enjoy.
Originally published by Sarah Lewis on LinkedIn, 24 April 2020. With reference to Joanna Fortune (2018).